LoveCalculator
by Disarray
Summary: I found this love calculator website on google and decided to see how compatible the ASOUE couples are.These are the results... but with random stuff inbetween.This summary sucks lemons. Please read anyway!


**Disclaimer: The only character i own is myself.**

Klaus was staring blankly into the computer screen when Fiona walked in. She looked over his shoulder to see what he was watching.

" Are those stripers?" Fiona asked pointing at the screen.

" No," Klaus said ," I'm watching the Power Puff Girls."

Fiona pulled up a chair next to him. "Can I go on the computer?" she asked.

" Sure." Klaus said but Fiona had already taken the mouse from his hand. She typed in in the little bar at the top of the

screen.

"The name google always sounded weird to me, " Fiona said. " It reminds me of Chimmi Changas.

Klaus did not respond to this. He just sat back and wondered why the word Google reminded Fiona of spicy Mexican food while she

typed "Love Calculator" in the search bar. She clicked on the first link which opened up to a rosy pink page with two boxes at the bottom.

" What is this?" Klaus asked.

" It's the Loooooooovvvvvvvvveeeeee Calculator." Fiona replied. " You type in two names and the computer tells you how compatible they

are." She typed in Klaus Baudelaire and Fiona Widdershins.

They both gasped at the result.

"We are ninety-four percent compatible!" they shouted at the same time. They held hands and started jumping around in circles singing

" Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination! He supports evil overlords and illegal immigration!"

After three hours of that nonsense, they got bored and decided to make out.

Violet and Quigley moon-walked into the room.

"What are you guys celebrating?" Quigley asked.

"We're ninety-four percent compatible!" Klaus and Fiona shouted in unison.

"Ooooooo!" Violet yelled, "they took that love calculator thingy! I want to take the love calculator thingy!"

" But they're in front of the computer" Quigley said motioning to Klaus and Fiona who were making out again.

"We can use the laptop" Violet suggested.

"But We don't have a laptop. "

" I can fix that! "

Violet made a constipated face and yelled "KOCKADOODLE CHICKEN! " A big egg appeared out of nowhere. It was one of those fake

Easter eggs that opens up and has candy inside. But when Quigley opened it, there was a laptop inside!

" Cool!" exclaimed Quigley, " It's like being the boyfriend of the goose that lays the golden eggs!"

" But I'm not a goose," Violet corrected, " And the eggs aren't golden. I'm more like the girl that craps electronics."

They both sat down and went to the website that Klaus and Fiona were on. Violet was so excited to see a good result that when the computer

gave her her **real **result, she almost had a heart attack. Quigley started to pound his head against the table. Violet just stared at the screen.

" WE'RE ONLY ONE PERCENT COMPATIBLE!" they screamed.

Klaus and Fiona briefly stopped making out to giggle at Vi and Quig's poor result.

" The computer must be wrong," Quigley said after banging his head on the table for the 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999th

time. " It hasta be wrong! I love you Violet! And you love me too right?"

Violet did not reply. Her face turned pale.

"Right?" Quigley asked again.

Violet still did not reply. Her face then turned fifty- five shades of red. She bit her bottom lip, and looked down at the ground.

" Violet please don't tell me that you're in love with..." He couldn't even bring himself to say the name. Quigley pushed Violet away from the

computer and scrolled to the bottom of the page where Violet Baudelaire and Quigley Quagmire was typed. He erased his name,

typed in his brother's, and pressed calculate.

"YOU AND DUNCAN ARE SEVENTY ONE PERCENT COMPATIBLE?" Quigley yelled.

Just then, Duncan moon-walked into the room. "Does anyone know where Sunny is ?" He asked, " I think she deep fried my common place

book."

" I AM GOING TO KILL YOU UNTIL YOU DIE! " Quigley charged towards Duncan and started to pummel him into a bloody pulp.

Isadora came into the room to see what all the fuss was about. When she saw her brothers killing each other she couldn't think of anything

else to do but call 911.

**ONE HOUR LATER**

" What was all that about?" asked Isadora when they all got back inside.

" We were all doing this weird Love calculator thingy when..." Klaus never finished his sentence because Isadora immediately ran to the

computer.

She quickly typed Klaus Baudelaire and Isadora Quagmire in the box at the bottom.

The results broke her heart.

"I am one percent less compatible with Klaus then Fiona?"

"You were sooo close," Fiona said, sounding sorry though she knew that Isadora knew that she didn't care.

Isadora started to cry. She cried so hard that her tears cried, and her tears tears cried. Her tears tears tears threw a party to see if it would

make everyone happy but one of the tears poked himself in the eye with the limbo stick and he started to cry. His tears started to cry and

their tears started to cry and eventually there was so much water in the room that the Baudelaires put it in bottles and gave it to the

homeless!

When they came back they saw a strange girl standing in front of their house.

"Who are you?" Violet asked politely.

"Are you the taco man?" Quigley asked rudely.

" Are you the reapers daughter?" Isadora asked frightfully.

Fiona cocked her head to the side and asked "Are you my mommy?"

"I know who you are!" Klaus said proudly. "You're Catherine! The girl from my reading class! Have you come to use the

computer?"

"Yup," she replied, then turned around and went inside.

When Catherine sat in front of the computer she noticed the website on the screen almost immediately. She scrolled to the bottom

of the page and typed in Klaus Baudelaire and Catherine in the boxes at the bottom.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOO! SOMEONE HAS A CRUSH ON MY LITTLE BRO.!" Violet yelled out of nowhere.

Catherine spun around to see that everyone had somehow amazingly come back into the room without her noticing.

"What's the result Catherine?" Violet asked teasingly.

Catherine sighed and turned around to read the screen. "Klaus and I are... NINTY-SEVEN PERCENT COMPATIBLE!"

Klaus suddenly turned to Fiona and said "Fiona, I'm dumping you."

"WHAT?" Fiona screamed in astonishment.

"Oh yea. And remember that ring I gave you? I'm gonna need it back. "

"YOU'LL BE CRAPING DONKEYS BEFORE I LET GO OF THIS RING KLAUS BAUDELAIRE!"

Everyone gasped, and there was a brief moment of silence. Suddenly Catherine and Quigley began togiggle. Violet struggled to

hold back a smile and Isadora turned red. Eventually everyone in the room broke out laughing at the strange but funny sentence.

Violet laughed so hard that she knocked over a lamp. When the bulb in the lamp broke a spark flew on to Violet's dress and

started to burn. She started to scream and run around in circles as the fire engulfed he whole body. Everyone was watching as

Violet ran around but no one really wanted to do anything about it.

Klaus stood up on a chair and started to sing:

_It happened one day in the studio._

_We were all dancing in a do-si-do._

_A purple monstrosity was waving her arms._

_And we were falling victim to her evil charms._

_She she caught herself on fire and she started to smoke._

_And now we're all laughing at the Baudelaire joke._

_Oh Boy_

_Violets on fire!_

_It's What_

_We've always desired!_

_We'll Watch_

_The flames get higher!_

_Just don't try to put her out!_

_**Violet was taken to a hospital five hours later. She and Duncan are currently being hospitalized together.**_

_**if**__ you don't believe me, do exactly as Fiona did and you'll see. YOU'LL ALL SEE!_

_But you have to make sure you type in first and last names or else they'll come out differently._

And yes I have a crush on Klaus, Duncan, and Quigley.

Mostly Duncan though. hehehe

Please review. Even If it was the worst thing you ever read! Just review and I'll be happy.


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